I met the friendliest cop last night
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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