I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
