We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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