in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
