Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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