Already got asked if we're dating
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
