a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
