I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
