It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
