By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
