He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
