I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
