Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
