Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
