Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
