my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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