you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
