so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
