so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
