yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
