I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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