I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
