I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
