haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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