my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
