I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
