Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she peed on how many people?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You can't just leave with hair like that
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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