the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize