Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just gift wrapped bread.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
