Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize