my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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