a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize