No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Girls should come with a carfax report
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
