cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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