Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
