we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
