i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
