Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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