i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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