I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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