She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
