So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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