remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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