i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
