if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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