Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
