I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
