In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
