If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
