hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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