You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
