he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
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