I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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