So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
