One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
