remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
