I think I died a long time ago.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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