Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
