JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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