R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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