I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
