I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
