we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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