She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im holly from the hills drunk
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
